Crazy With Mess

I’m not saying that my husband drives me ABSOLUTELY BONKERS by being untidy or anything, but I thought I’d write a blog post to ‘gently’ point out the little, less obvious things that need doing on a daily basis so we don’t live in a filthy hovel (without me having to nag him about it).

Will he be happy that I’m having such a public dig at his slovenliness?  Probably not.  But at least he’ll enjoy watching Beyonce in all her glory:

(Cue music) Yes! So crazy right now,

Most incredibly.

It’s your ‘girl’, Distressed’,

It’s your ‘boy’, Hubby,

Ready?

Uh-oh…

 

Argument in the makin’.

(Part 9067).

So crazy right now!

 

I look and stare, irritated by what I find.

I nag at you more and more every time.

When you leave I’m beggin’ you not to go,

Until the toddler stops screaming on the floor.

Such a tricky thing for me to try to explain,

How I’m feeling but serenity’s so hard to feign.

Yeah ‘cos I know you don’t understand,

But you’re the messiest bloke in the land.

 

Got me feelin’ so crazy right now.

Your mess got me feelin’ so crazy right now.

(All your crap)

Got me feelin’ so crazy right now.  Your clothes,

Got me hopin’ you’ll wash them right now.

(Your mail)

Got me hopin’ you’ll sort it right now.  Your towels,

Got me hopin’ you’ll pick them up now.

Feelin’ so crazy, your mess got me feelin’

Got me feelin’ so crazy, your mess.

 

Uh-oh…

 

When I talk to you, you make these promises,

‘Will he stick to it?’ Yes, but only for a coupla’ weeks.

Pairs of shoes aren’t even taken upstairs.

It seems you don’t even notice all the dog hairs.

I can’t believe you can’t see just what I do.

Little fairies must come in and clean our loo.

Yeah, but you still don’t understand,

The house is clean without a magic wand.

 

Got me feelin’ so crazy right now.

Open curtains!  Got me feelin’ so crazy right now.

(Rinse the sink!)

Got me feelin’ so crazy right now.  Make the bed!

Got me feelin’ so crazy right now.

(Empty bins!)

Got me hopin’ they won’t overflow.  Dirty nappies,

Got me hopin’ you’ll take them outside.

Feelin’ so crazy, your mess got me feelin’

Got me feelin’ so crazy, your mess.

Oh, feelin’ so crazy…

 

I’m warmed up now,

Let’s go.

 

Young(ish) hubby,

You’ll know when I’ve gone completely loco.

Distressed Housewife is M.A.D.

Uh-oh DH’s having a right old rant.

It won’t be the one and only.

 

Re-cycling don’t belong under the stairs.

Blood vessels gonna burst

Like volcanoes.

I fold the washing, man, you can do it too.

A car full with empty bottles I don’t drink tho,

Gonna sling them at yo’ head, I really am, yo.

 

Car like shithole,

Bedroom floor a bombsite.

Loo rolls don’t change themselves.

Distressed H in the house,

She’s crazy and deranged.

I can’t figure you out,

Why leave read papers lying about?

 

Yes sir, I regularly change the kitchen cloth,

And use washing up water hot and with froth.

 

I hoover even under settees,

I ain’t got no butler named Jeeves.

I’m feelin’ peeved.

The game’s over.

 

Change bedding when sheets aren’t clean.

Do a tip run even when you’re not keen.

I’m one seriously cranky momma.

One.

 

Got me feelin’ so crazy, my hubby,

I’m not myself lately,

I’m cranky and exhausted.

You’re wearing me out,

(And not in a good way).

Cuz your mess got the best of me,

You drive me crazy, I don’t care who reads,

Cuz hubby you got me so crazy.

(Repeat to fade)

 

There.  Glad that’s off my chest.  🙂

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