The Self-Stirring Crew

I’m dubbing children of the 21st Century the ‘Self-Stirring Crew’ based on yesterday, when my nine year old shouted from the other room, ‘Mum! My self-stirring mug isn’t working!  Please can you stir it for me?’ FFS.  Perish the thought that you’d get up off your arse to get your own spoon or, even worse, […]

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Blogging Brain Fart

Now that I’m on summer holidays, I’ve finally gotten around to blogging…but it appears I’m having a blogging brain fart. Since returning to full-time teaching, I can only find the time and energy to blog in the holidays.  So when I do, I want it to be momentous, or at least vaguely entertaining.  But sitting […]

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Doing Alright

In 2005, shortly after J was born, I developed post-natal depression.  I thought I was getting everything wrong, that I was a bad mum.  I used to go to toddler groups and feel that the other mums were looking at me and sensing my incompetence.  I would sometimes leave before the end, having not talked […]

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Not a Red Rose or a Satin Heart

Today it would seem that my husband and children had the same idea as Carol Ann Duffy about not indulging in ‘traditional’ Valentine’s Day gifts:  ‘Not a red rose or a satin heart.  I give you an onion.’ I’d have settled for an onion.  Instead, I got this unusual little ‘gift’: a nearly thirteen year […]

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The Ten Stages of Running

Stage One: Absolute Certainty This run will kill me.  I am going to die.  I can’t breathe.  Oh my God!  I’ve forgotten how to breathe! How the hell do I breathe? Stop panicking! Stop panicking! Thank f*** for that, I’ve remembered.  In through the nose…out through the mouth.  Ignore the gasping.  It’s not your respiratory […]

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Mum Bag

When I couldn’t find my keys in my bag yesterday, I decided it was time for a clear out.  What I was hoping to find was this: What I found instead was this: An empty Haribo wrapper.  Because mums love to carry empty wrappers from sweets that they didn’t consume. Chewing gum paper and a […]

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Keep On Running

I have a confession: I used to be one of those people who would drive past joggers or runners and be tempted to accelerate through a big muddy puddle to punish them for being so virtuous.  I just couldn’t see how anyone would find running enjoyable.  Why would anyone actually choose to pound the pavements getting out of […]

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Groundhog Saturday (With a Few Variations)

Just a typical Saturday morning in the DH household: get up and creep to the loo – the only time of day I’m ever in the bathroom alone.  Enjoy the solitude for a good ten minutes.  Deliberate over whether to flush the loo and risk waking up the small people – then decide it won’t […]

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Private. Keep Out. Or Not. Whatever.

At 10am this morning, whilst other people were going about their daily business, I was forming a human barricade across the bedroom door to prevent my children from entering.  It is worth noting that I was doing this with legs akimbo, holding up my dressing gown round my armpits, whilst a generous amount of Veet […]

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Magnolia Paint

I bought a small tin of ‘Salsa Red’ paint and a huge tin of Magnolia paint yesterday. I’m titivating the boys’ rooms whilst it’s the hols: painting feature walls, buying more storage and getting Superhero stickers and canvases for the walls. The red paint is for them.  But the Magnolia paint is for me. I’m […]

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