Men, Translated



men

 

  • “I’ll do it tomorrow” translated means, “If I manage to fob you off today, maybe you’ll have forgotten about it by tomorrow.”
  • “I’ll drive.”  Yes, I’m sure you will on the way there, but probably not on the way back.
  • “I’m leaving it there because I haven’t finished with it yet”, means, “I haven’t actually started anything with it yet, never mind finished anything with it.  Maybe I will use it sometime in the near future, maybe I won’t.  Either way, I couldn’t be bothered putting it away but I don’t want you to have a go at me about it.”
  • “I’m leaving it there because I thought you needed it.”  Ahh, how considerate.  If it’s a vacuum cleaner, a mop or a duster, you’re right of course, because all women need those things to fulfil them and make their lives complete.
  • “Have you seen my keys?” means, “Please look for my keys ‘cos I don’t really know how to look for things” (see Male Planet).
  • “The kids have had some fresh air” (when I took them outside to put them in the car).
  • “It’s OK, I’ll take the dog for a walk”  (but only if there’s a pub on the way so I can call in for a pint).
  • “I’ve only had two pints.”  Yes, of course you have, we always fall for that one.
  • “You look fine.”  This might be a genuine, if unsatisfactory and unenthusiastic, response.  However, if it’s accompanied by perspiration on the brow and general signs of nervousness it means, “I don’t really like what you’re wearing but I’m terrified of saying so.  I don’t want to upset you but I don’t want to lie either.  I do, however, still want to go out so if I tell the truth you’ll either get changed several more times and make us late, or you’ll get upset, decide nothing looks right and say you don’t want to go out anymore.”
  • “Let’s have a cuddle.”  Well, let’s face it, we all know what this one really means…
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11 thoughts on “Men, Translated”

  1. Linda Burbidge says:

    Really enjoyed this and previous posts. Very funny!!

  2. All too true! In my case when I hear “I’ll do it tomorrow” … I know that means maybe, just maybe, next month.
    Over from #PoCoLo (And will follow on twitter and fb!)

    1. Oh yes, or maybe never 😉 Thanks for your comments, much appreciated x

  3. Cathie B says:

    Once again, you’ve made me practice my pelvic floor whilst reading this, and dribble tea out of my nose. So funny, as always xxx #PoCoLo

    1. Ha! Oops, sorry about that 😉 Thanks for your lovely comments as always, hun xxx

  4. Point 2: When I was married it would annoy the hell out of me when my wife insisted I take my share of the driving duties and then only drank in moderation herself. Ladies, if you are going to insist we drive sometimes, PLEASE make sure you get completely rat-arsed. Anything less just adds insult to injury…

    [#PoCoLo]

    1. Ha ha! How very rude of her to just drink in moderation, so selfish 😉 I hereby vow to ALWAYS get rat-arsed on the rare occasions my husband drives home, how’s that? Thanks for your comments, made me laugh and much appreciated 🙂

  5. So very, very true! Funnily enough I have started to put these into practice myself but they don’t like it when the shoe is on the other foot! Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

    1. No they don’t do they? I’ve tried that too when I’ve been at the end of my tether 😉 You’re welcome, thanks as always for hosting xx

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