I’ve been a good(ish) girl all year so for Christmas I would like:
My eldest son’s other front tooth so he won’t look like Nanny McPhee any moreÂ and we can allow him back onto family photographs.
A bathroom door handle that willÂ issue an electric shock to whichever one of my children tries toÂ come in whilst I’m on the toilet.
A custom-madeÂ remote control for my children with an ‘attitudeÂ off’ button for our seven-yearÂ old, a fast forward button for our three-yearÂ old so we only have to listen to his original request and not the twenty-nineÂ more times he repeats it and a ‘mute’ button for our two-year old until he grows out of screaming.
An automatic,Â spring-loaded foot that isÂ programmed to kick my husband each time he snores or when one of the children wakes in the night so I don’t have to go to the inconvenience of moving.
A strong magnet that will attract my keys and phone each time I’m leaving the house so I can put the extra hour of searching time to better use.
A washing basket/machine with compartments for darks, lights and whites and that washes them then and there just by the adding of detergent and the touch of a button.
A ‘Mission Impossible’-type maskÂ with which toÂ disguise my food so, for example, chocolate looks like cabbage and my kids won’t want to eatÂ it.
A self-cleaning house, obviously.
The boobs of a nineteen year old.Â To replace mine, I mean, not in a box or anything, that would just be weird.
An intravenous drip that swaps automatically from coffee to wine at precisely seven o’clock each evening (five o’clock on Fridays).