Well hello there 1st November, you sexy beast. You’re looking good…even better than I imagined you would. You’ll never know just how much I’ve been longing to see you or how much I’ve dreamt about you for the last five weeks. It’s you. It’s always been you.
I want to be honest with you so even though it’s hard to admit, my head was turned by October. All I can say is that I’m sorry. Can you ever forgive me?
I know I have to accept some of the responsibility but in my defence, October was so persuasive. He lured me in, with his promises of purity and goodness. He told me I’d feel better for being with him and I fell for it. It turns out that October knew me well. It sounded so appealing at the time and I admit, I thought the grass would be greener. I know, I know, it’s a cliche but I had to try it. You know how I love a challenge.
Then he mentioned my liver which in hindsight was below the belt…well slightly above the belt but let’s not split hairs. He gave me the spiel about how much my liver has suffered for the last twenty years and reminded me of all the nights I’d promised my liver I would be kinder and then abused it anyway. I felt so guilty. October had cleverly appealed to my better nature and it won out.
Then the parting shot; the clincher. October said if I ditched you and went with him then it would help other people. October told me he has this ‘friend’ called Macmillan and how this Macmillan really needed the money to help people with the ‘big C’. Well, that was it. Emotional blackmail or not, it worked because October KNEW the mention of the C word would make me see red. He knew I’d do just about anything to see the back of ol’ C. Even giving up on you for a while, my love. Please don’t look at me like that. I had to do it.
You have to know you have been on my mind constantly since the end of September. Yep, it turns out that September was in on the conspiracy. I know, sly bastard, eh? I didn’t see that coming. All that, ‘let’s make her writhe around in pain, throw up and shake with a fever so she’ll be too ill to drink’ lark. September was October’s sidekick; an accomplice. Together they lured me into thinking that because I had a kidney infection and I was on antibiotics then I might as well stick with October, that he would be better for me than you.
Well, never again. I’ve broken free.
It’s taken five weeks, lots of begging and cajoling but I’m hoping that October will leave me alone now. The problem is, he’s already got £472 but he’s demanding £500. If only I could raise the remaining £28 to make him go away …
Even though it’s been hard it was worth it though. I don’t regret it. I know that’s not what you want to hear but I’m just trying to be honest. If we’re going to do this thing and do it properly, there shouldn’t be secrets between us. I’m glad I had a fling with Sober October. It was good for me…for a while. But I’ve realised there was no long-term future in it. I missed you too much.
October has given me opportunities; I’ve been able to wake up feeling virtuous and that in itself was intoxicating. I even agreed to a 10K run on the strength of it, I felt invincible! But then it got boring, my love. Nothing October could offer could replace you or the excitement I feel when I’m with you. I relax in your company and I can be myself; it wasn’t like that with October. I was being the person I THOUGHT I should be rather than who I really am.
So here I am, November. Your lush is back. Take me, take me now 1st November, let’s not wait any longer. The anticipation has been building to the point where it’s become almost unbearable. I’ve fought my feelings but I can fight them no longer. I’m back where I belong. With you. With wine. Happy.