Toddler Tears

Here I lie

On the floor in the centre of town

Tantrum time

In croc’dile tears I slowly drown

Not going home

My mum won’t leave me on my own

I’m really good at tantruming,

tantruming, saying ‘no’

saying ‘no’


Toddler tears…

Changing the ring tone

On my mum’s phone it’s

Toddler tears…

No appliance’s safe, whilst

I’m in the place and I’ll

Run round nude

Wearing only a smile and

Rub my willy with food


Toddler tears…

When I lose control

All my toys I’ll throw, it’s

Toddler tears…

I’ll stand still and pout, ’til

I’m rugby-balled out and

People stare

My mum’s in a rush but

I really don’t care


Night and day

There’s a yearning to

cause mess and noise

Turn modem off

When to publish post mum’s

finger’s poised

Here I go

I’ll throw myself down on the floor

I’m really good at tantruming,

tantruming, saying ‘no’

saying ‘no’


Toddler tears…

I want sweets for lunch

and my mum won’t budge it’s

toddler tears…

Won’t sit down and eat

But still expect a treat, I’ll

act all shy and coy

Then when no-one is watching

I’ll hide the dog’s toys


Toddler tears…

When I lose control

In Asda’s aisle I crawl it’s

Mummy’s tears…

When I bounce on beds

And fall on my head it’s

Easy to see

Why mummy’s a drinker

Since she has had me


Toddler tears…

When all else fails

Arms and legs I’ll flail it’s

Toddler tears…

I don’t care where we are

Restaurant or in the car I’ll

Score extra points

If I spill a drink and

The staff it anoints


Toddler tears…

I run out of sight, and

Give my mum a fright, it’s

Toddler tears…

I wind my brothers up

And traumatise the pup, it’s

Hard to bear

But it’s just what you do

When you are a toddler 😉

Wot So Funee?

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26 thoughts on “Toddler Tears”

  1. That is too funny! So true. : )

    1. Thank you, glad you enjoyed it 🙂 x

  2. Very true and brilliantly put! #PoCoLo

    1. Thank you, much appreciated 🙂 x

  3. Cathie B says:

    Oh honey – you’ve had me in stitches this morning – this is soooo funny. I’m actually singing it in my head now!!!! popping over from #PoCoLo

    1. Thank you lovely. I had to keep singing it as I was writing it to get the rhythm right; it was traumatic for my children. Hope you’ve got a better voice than me or I’ll be responsible for traumatising Lucas too 😉 xx

  4. Love this! I won’t be able to listen to Tragedy without thinking of it now.

    1. Thank you hun; I hope that’s not a bad thing, that I’ve not murdered a favourite song or anything 😉 x

  5. Jaime Oliver says:

    I love this!! although i can relate it still does make me smile 🙂

    1. Thank you lovely, glad you enjoyed it xx

  6. nortonmum says:

    Haha very funny, love the Tragedy opening.

    1. Thank you hun, me too. Is it bad to say I prefer the Steps version to the Bee Gees? Will I get struck down by lightning for being so irreverent? 😉 x

  7. Kim Carberry says:

    hahaha!! That is brlliant! Love it! x

    1. Thank you very much, glad you liked it 🙂 x

  8. Oh those days, I remember them well (but I’m trying to drink them into oblivion 😉

    1. I get that; I’m trying to drink enough now so I don’t remember them in later life 😉 x

  9. Brilliant! It brought it all back to me, thank God those days are long gone x #PoCoLo

    1. Thank you, sorry to bring up memories that you’ve successfully buried 😉 Thank you for your comments 🙂 x

  10. Utterly hilarious!! I LOVE it. Thank goodness I only really ever had to deal with one shop tantrum…it was in Boots in Woking…I’ll never forget it! Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

    1. Thank you lovely. Oh dear, you know it’s a bad one when it scars you for life. My equivalent is abandoning an Asda trolley full of shopping because my eldest, a toddler at the time, turned into the girl from the Exorcist; I was expecting his hard to start spinning round at any moment 😉

  11. MummyTries says:

    Utter genius – if only it wasn’t so true!! #PoCoLo

    1. Thank you lovely. I know, I so wish it wasn’t all based on real experiences 😉 x

  12. Emma Day says:

    This is an awesome poem. I love it! The bit about the willy made me laugh the most – having girls, that’s not something I’ll have to deal with! 🙂

    Thanks for linking up to #WednesdayWords xx

    1. Thank you hun. No, no rubbing brioche on willies for you luckily 😉 You’re welcome, it’s a lovely linky 🙂 xx

  13. WallyMummy says:

    *nods along* agree. Agree. Agree. Agree… Wait, is this my actual life…? Lol x god I’ve been there… *sends gin* xx

    1. Ha! Is it bad that it makes me feel better when other people are suffering too? Gin accepted with thanks *starts swigging straight from the bottle* xx

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