Toddler Tears

Here I lie

On the floor in the centre of town

Tantrum time

In croc’dile tears I slowly drown

Not going home

My mum won’t leave me on my own

I’m really good at tantruming,

tantruming, saying ‘no’

saying ‘no’

 

Toddler tears…

Changing the ring tone

On my mum’s phone it’s

Toddler tears…

No appliance’s safe, whilst

I’m in the place and I’ll

Run round nude

Wearing only a smile and

Rub my willy with food

 

Toddler tears…

When I lose control

All my toys I’ll throw, it’s

Toddler tears…

I’ll stand still and pout, ’til

I’m rugby-balled out and

People stare

My mum’s in a rush but

I really don’t care

 

Night and day

There’s a yearning to

cause mess and noise

Turn modem off

When to publish post mum’s

finger’s poised

Here I go

I’ll throw myself down on the floor

I’m really good at tantruming,

tantruming, saying ‘no’

saying ‘no’

 

Toddler tears…

I want sweets for lunch

and my mum won’t budge it’s

toddler tears…

Won’t sit down and eat

But still expect a treat, I’ll

act all shy and coy

Then when no-one is watching

I’ll hide the dog’s toys

 

Toddler tears…

When I lose control

In Asda’s aisle I crawl it’s

Mummy’s tears…

When I bounce on beds

And fall on my head it’s

Easy to see

Why mummy’s a drinker

Since she has had me

 

Toddler tears…

When all else fails

Arms and legs I’ll flail it’s

Toddler tears…

I don’t care where we are

Restaurant or in the car I’ll

Score extra points

If I spill a drink and

The staff it anoints

 

Toddler tears…

I run out of sight, and

Give my mum a fright, it’s

Toddler tears…

I wind my brothers up

And traumatise the pup, it’s

Hard to bear

But it’s just what you do

When you are a toddler πŸ˜‰

Wot So Funee?

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26 Comments

  1. Very true and brilliantly put! #PoCoLo

  2. Oh honey – you’ve had me in stitches this morning – this is soooo funny. I’m actually singing it in my head now!!!! popping over from #PoCoLo

    • Thank you lovely. I had to keep singing it as I was writing it to get the rhythm right; it was traumatic for my children. Hope you’ve got a better voice than me or I’ll be responsible for traumatising Lucas too πŸ˜‰ xx

  3. Love this! I won’t be able to listen to Tragedy without thinking of it now.

  4. I love this!! although i can relate it still does make me smile πŸ™‚

  5. Haha very funny, love the Tragedy opening.

  6. hahaha!! That is brlliant! Love it! x

  7. Oh those days, I remember them well (but I’m trying to drink them into oblivion πŸ˜‰

  8. Brilliant! It brought it all back to me, thank God those days are long gone x #PoCoLo

  9. Utterly hilarious!! I LOVE it. Thank goodness I only really ever had to deal with one shop tantrum…it was in Boots in Woking…I’ll never forget it! Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

    • Thank you lovely. Oh dear, you know it’s a bad one when it scars you for life. My equivalent is abandoning an Asda trolley full of shopping because my eldest, a toddler at the time, turned into the girl from the Exorcist; I was expecting his hard to start spinning round at any moment πŸ˜‰

  10. Utter genius – if only it wasn’t so true!! #PoCoLo

  11. This is an awesome poem. I love it! The bit about the willy made me laugh the most – having girls, that’s not something I’ll have to deal with! πŸ™‚

    Thanks for linking up to #WednesdayWords xx

  12. *nods along* agree. Agree. Agree. Agree… Wait, is this my actual life…? Lol x god I’ve been there… *sends gin* xx

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