Purple Rain

It’s alright for all these artists to sing about how romantic rain is.  They don’t have to do the bloody school run in it, do they?


‘I never meant to cause you any sorrow,

I never meant to cause you any pain.

I only wanted one time to see you laughing,

I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain.’

A tip for you, ‘Symbol’.  Take her inside.  You might find her mood cheers considerably once she’s not cold and wet anymore.

Weather Girls:

‘It’s raining men, hallelujah, it’s raining men, Amen.

I’m gonna go out, I’m gonna let myself get, absolutely soaking wet.’

Not round here it’s not.  It’s just p***ing down the usual run-of-the-mill stuff.  Still gets you ‘absolutely soaking wet’, though.

Gene Kelly:

‘I’m singing in the rain, just singing in the rain.

What a glorious feeling and I’m happy again.’

I’m sorry but that’s just wrong.  Weirdo.  ‘Nuff said.


‘Why does it always rain on me?

Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?’

So it’s all YOUR fault is it, Travis?  There’s a lesson to be learnt here: dishonesty NEVER pays.  Still don’t see why we all have to suffer because of YOUR bad karma, though.  


‘Here comes the rain again,

Falling on my head like a memory.

Falling on my head like a new emotion.’

No ‘new emotion’ here, I’m afraid, Annie.  Wait… Nope.  Still just feeling crammed.


‘Now I, I wish it would rain down, down on me.

Yes I wish it would rain, rain down on me now.’

Alright, you’ve got your wish, Phil.  We’ve ALL got your wish. NOW BLOODY WELL STOP IT!

Billy Myers:

‘Kiss the rain, whenever you need me.

Kiss the rain, whenever I’m gone too long.

If your lips feel lonely and thirsty,

Kiss the rain and wait for the dawn.’

I love this song, I really do but I have to warn you, Billy, if you carry on I’ll be tempted to tell you to kiss something else (and it won’t be my lips).

Dionne Warwick:

‘Those raindrops keep falling on my head,

But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turnin’ red,

Crying’s not for me, no.

I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin’,

Because I’m free, nothin’s worrying me.’

Good for you.  They keep falling on my head too so even though I won’t be able to stop the rain either, I think personally I’ll carry on complaining, if it’s all the same to you.

Tina Turner:

‘I can’t stand the rain, against my window,

Bringing back sweet memories.

I can’t stand the rain, against my window,

‘Cause he ain’t here with me.’

I can’t stand the rain, either, Tina, but the only memories it brings back are of me looking like a drowned rat and yelling at the kids to ‘hurry up because we’re getting soaked’.  Not really what I’d describe as ‘sweet’.


‘Now that it’s raining more than ever,

Know that we’ll still have each other.

You can stand under my umbrella,

You can stand under my umbrella-ella-ella…’

Thank you, Rihanna.  You’re right, it IS raining more than ever and it’s refreshing for someone to be finally taking a practical approach.  The others could learn a thing or two from you 🙂







  1. Absolutely hilrious charlotte…… Or at least it would be if I WASN’T CRAMMED AS A WASP ALSO THANKS TO THE GOD DAMN CHUFFING WEATHER 🙂

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