Laws are being broken in this house as I speak; rules and regulations are being carelessly flouted and my basic human rights are not being satisfactorily met. I demand that action be taken!
Firstly, Environmental Health Law states that noise in the workplace ‘should not exceed 85 decibels’. Pah! Our television is louder than that and I HAVE NOT been provided with suitable ear protection to drown out the high-pitched screaming of my hyperactive children.
Apparently this doesn’t apply to the music and entertainment sectors; does our house come under either of those categories, I wonder? None of us can sing but that small detail doesn’t stop anyone. And I do sometimes feel like Coco the Clown as I try inventive new ways to keep my little darlings entertained 24/7 if that counts?
The regulations also state that this doesn’t apply to non-work activities (well I’m not bloody doing this for kicks, am I?) or when it’s a ‘informed choice to go to noisy places’. (Since when is having children a ‘informed choice’? If we knew what they were really like beforehand we’d have all taken a vow of celibacy a long time ago).
Environmental Health are also responsible for ‘protecting the public against the threat of disease’; so where are they when I’m having to fight off snotty kisses or cleaning skid marks off my jeans?
Then, according to Employment Law, workers areÂ officially entitled to a ‘uninterrupted 20 minute break’ if they work more than six hours. Can anybody else hear a strange ‘oinking’ from overhead? Anyone else just see a flash of winged bacon?
Also (and you’re going to laugh at this; I did), there should be ’11 hours rest between working days’. I know! I’d be holding my stomach with laughter if I wasn’t curled up in the foetal position…
It gets better. Did you know that a worker should also get ’24 UNINTERRUPTED hours without work each week’ or that the maximum weekly working hours are 48 hours a week? Anybody else guffawing through their tears?
The only thing I’m not pushing for is a permanent contract. Please, God, don’t let this be a permanent contract. They have to leave home some time, right? 🙂