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Bed Hopping

Bed Hopping

Distressed Housewife / September 23, 2013

cute kid

Quick, someone give me a copy of my last post so I can recall the reasons I had for saying children are a blessing (I told you that come Monday I would need to be reminded).  Z didn’t sleep last night and as we all know, if our darling offspring don’t sleep, neither do we.

He was very tired and actually asked to go to bed.  As we settled down to watch TV after the other two had gone to sleep we heard a loud thud and hubby went upstairs to find Z fast asleep on the floor after falling out of bed.  Ten minutes after hubby put him back he was up again to go to the toilet…and so it went on until eventually he got upset and asked to come downstairs.

As he’s usually a good sleeper and this was out of character we let him for a few minutes and then put him back in his own bed.  We thought we’d cracked it…

Until 12.30am when he got up saying he needed the loo again.  After half an hour of messing and worry that he may wake up his brothers we relented and did some bed hopping with Z in bed with me and hubby in his bed.

Initially I was concerned that he may be poorly but as I checked for a temperature I realised I needn’t have worried; the triumphant look on his face at being allowed to sleep in our bed has only ever been rivalled by Olympic gold medallists.

And so it was with a sense of foreboding that I settled into bed with Z in his favourite nose-to-nose position; because whilst I normally love nothing better than breathing in his sweet still-baby smell, after thirty minutes of lying like this I found that my arms and legs felt surplus to requirements and I could not get into a position that didn’t result in paralysing numbness followed by shooting pins and needles.

Z also insisted on wrapping one arm tightly around my neck so I had not only lost all feeling in my limbs, I also had a crick in my neck because I couldn’t put my head down on the pillow properly.

Once he fell asleep I slowly extracted myself and turned onto my side, thinking this would be more comfortable…and instantly regretted it because the space I had been occupying quickly became filled by my small son as though he was more liquid than flesh and bones, flowing into every available nook and cranny until I was balanced on three inches of mattress.

It was at this point that I realised I needed a wee (ironic after all the time I had spent in the bathroom with Z over the last two hours) but didn’t dare move, knowing that I would lose my claim on the bed entirely once I vacated it, so I lay awake for some time, my son snoozing peacefully with his head nestling in my shoulder blades and his feet burrowing into my lower back until I could stand the pain in my bladder no longer.

I eased my aching body off the bed and even before I had reached the door my toddler, stretching luxuriously like a cat, came to rest diagonally with his head on my pillows and his feet on the cool side where my husband should have been.  As I went to relieve myself my husband heard me (surprisingly he couldn’t get his 6′ 2″ frame comfortable under a Mickey Mouse duvet on a children’s three-quarter length bottom bunk) so I told him to come and look at Z.

Thinking we were having a ‘look at our very own miracle of nature’ moment rather than a ‘look what a little shit we’ve created’ moment he breathed, ‘Ah, bless.’  I glared at him.  ‘No, NOT ‘ah bless’.’  I snapped.  Realising he had misread the mood hubby wisely said nothing and moved Z over to the other side of the bed.

With space on the mattress once more (I was counting my blessings even though I had only a corner of the duvet and half a pillow) I got back into bed…but my relief was to be short-lived.  The next two hours were spent intermittently in the toilet (where he didn’t actually do anything) and digging a Mickey Mouse teddy out from under my arm, knees from out of my ribs, hands out from under my pillows and feet out of my lady bits.

At 4am, finally at the point of drifting off to blissful sleep, I heard Z get up, open the door to his bedroom and say indignantly to my husband, ‘My bed, Daddy!’ as though forced into our bed under duress.

It was all I could do to stop myself running in and saying, ‘Oh, I AM sorry my little buttercup!  Did I disturb your sleep? Did I keep you awake?’ 😉
Wot So Funee?



    • Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 24, 2013 at 1:24 pm

      What a night! Hope you got a better one the night after

        Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 25, 2013 at 6:00 pm

        Thank you. We had another night of the same but last night he had thirteen and a half hours so hopefully that broke the cycle. Thanks for your comments x

    • Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 24, 2013 at 4:48 pm

      Ah bless.. 😉 I often wonder if I’ll ever get a full nights sleep again -even when none of them wake, I do, in anticipation 🙂 #wotsofunee

        Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 25, 2013 at 6:02 pm

        Oh I know that feeling, it’s horrible! You lie there cursing yourself for it 😉 Thanks for your comments hun x

      Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 24, 2013 at 5:25 pm

      Oh hun – this had me in stitches again. Is so familiar. It’s like they turn into a tumble drier when in bed; turning over and over and over and over again!!!! My personal favourite is the fish hooking and a finger up my nose……….. #wotsofunee

        Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 25, 2013 at 6:04 pm

        Thank you lovely, glad you enjoyed it. Nightmare, isn’t it? Ah yes, or the headbutt to the eye is another popular one 😉 xx

      Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 24, 2013 at 5:27 pm

      I definitely do not miss co sleeping! My bed is MY bed 🙂
      Hopefully he sleeps better tonight x

        Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 25, 2013 at 6:06 pm

        Oh I’m really hoping it was a one off, I really don’t like sharing my bed either…even with my husband 😉 Thank you and thanks for your comments x

      Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 24, 2013 at 7:53 pm

      If only I’d seen that picture at the top before I decided condoms were a waste of money… lol x I’m keeping mine in a cot. FOEVER. FACT. lol x #funee xx

        Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 25, 2013 at 6:11 pm

        Ha ha, I know, WHAT were we thinking? That would be my advice…or a cage. Anything that they can’t escape from because that’s when the problems start. You can ignore them shouting a lot longer than you can ignore them pulling your hair and poking their fingers up your nose 😉 Thanks for your comments hun xx

      Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 25, 2013 at 1:16 pm

      This is why I feel I’ve aged dramatically in the last five years, the sleep thing. : / xx

        Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 25, 2013 at 6:14 pm

        Oh I know, there’s a reason it’s a form of torture 😉 Thanks for your comments, hun xx

      Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 26, 2013 at 1:32 am

      Hehe, I do hope you let him sleep through the next night 😉 xx

        Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 27, 2013 at 9:38 am

        Ha! I know, it must be SO frustrating when someone keeps waking you up… 😉 Thanks for your comments, much appreciated xx

      Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 26, 2013 at 9:15 pm

      Oh goodness my daughter is the same. When we camp and she’s so keen for girls to sleep together I groan as she spread out, knees in my back and wriggles all night long in her sleep!
      Hope he’s sleeping better now

        Distressed HousewifePosted on : September 27, 2013 at 9:40 am

        It must be something about being in a different bed; my other two are the same, too. I know it’s tempting fate but he seems to be… x

      Distressed HousewifePosted on : October 2, 2013 at 7:50 am

      Well at least you can see the humour of it now, although it may not have been funny at the time! Hope you’ve had some more sleep since 🙂

        Distressed HousewifePosted on : October 4, 2013 at 10:09 am

        Thank you, I have and no, it really wasn’t funny at the time 😉 Thanks for your comments, much appreciated.

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