• distressedhousewife147@gmail.com

Monthly Archives: April 2012

Bum Sniffing

It’s obviously in nature’s grand plan to make babies and young children smell good all the time so that we don’t reject them when they’re being less than delightful in other […]

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The Day of the Triffids

We’re recreating our very own version of ‘The Day of the Triffids’ in our house, but with clothes instead of plants (only because no plants live long enough in our […]

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Mission Impossible

Cue Mission Impossible music: dun, dun, dun-dun-dun-dun dun, dun, dun, dun, dun-dun-dun, dun.  Imagine a fuse burning rapidly, fizzing and spitting sparks as it races towards a bomb.  Think commando rolls […]

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Vampires

I’ve decided that our three year old makes me feel like we’re in ‘Van Helden’ (Kate Beckinsale eat your heart out) because, like the vampires in that film, he seems completely normal by day; he’s […]

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Life Imitating Art

Some days I feel like an actor with my children auditioning me for different parts in films.  Today, for instance, I’ve felt like I’ve been in an old Western film.  This […]

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Women, Translated

“I’m fine.”  This translated means, “I’m obviously not fine, I’m very upset.  It might be at you, it might not, but I’m not going to tell you so you’re going […]

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Men, Translated

  “I’ll do it tomorrow” translated means, “If I manage to fob you off today, maybe you’ll have forgotten about it by tomorrow.” “I’ll drive.”  Yes, I’m sure you will […]

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Nostalgia

I feel sorry for kids these days who won’t experience proper cartoons with decent animation like ‘Thundercats’, ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ and ‘Dangermouse’; ‘Bagpuss’ deserves its own special mention (‘We will […]

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The Ultimate Test

I’m not drinking tonight, even though my three year old has weed on my friend’s son’s bedroom floor which is situated next to their bathroom; I’m not drinking tonight even though he’s […]

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My Friends – The Rap

My friends: Make me laugh ’til I wee, Yap incessantlee, Find time for me. Ring me when I’m down, Insist that I don’t frown, Enjoy clownin’ aroun(d). Nice people, not […]

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