Mum’s Merchandise

I’m on a roll now – along with my workout DVD I’m going to create my own range of clothes that disguises the stains that mums always have.  I’m going to do a jumper with thin silvery stripes running across the shoulders to hide the snot, a top with dark splodges for all the grease […]

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Women

Doh!

Please, someone, shoot me now.  I couldn’t figure out why I could feel heat coming off the hob but the stuff in the pan wasn’t warming up – doh, I’d put the wrong ring on; I’ve been stirring it for ten minutes!!  And now I’ve just burnt the bas***d thing typing this!!

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Common Sense

Waterproof, not Wee-proof

I know that Goretex boots are waterproof but it doesn’t mean a lot if you wee directly down your leg and into them which my three year old has just discovered.  I’ve just had to physically pour about an eggcup full of wee out of his left shoe – delightful 🙂

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Children

A Different Kind of Workout

I’m going to bring out my own workout DVD – and on three, SQUAT to mop up the dog pee, and LUNGE to stop the baby going into the cupboard, and STRETCH to take the shoe out of the puppy’s mouth, BICEP CURLS to bang two older children’s heads together for squabbling and…BREATHE (your cool […]

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Women

Saliva Substitute

Oh the joys of baby wipes.  In one morning I’ve used them to wipe dirty faces after breakfast, wipe bums after nappy changes, wipe the settee after a drink spill, wipe snot off my cardigan, leftover food off a jumper, clean trainers for football and wipe the highchair down.  They’re the way forward from using […]

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Cleaning

Mr. Corned Beef

I bet the heir to the inventor of the corned beef tin sits in his huge mansion overlooking his swimming pool and has a right good old laugh at the rest of us twisting the stupid little pin around the bottom of a rectangular tin with rounded corners.  What’s really fun is when it all […]

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Eating

THAT Person

Why do I always have to be the person who dresses their child in school uniform and then has to turn back because it’s non-uniform day, turns up at the swimming pool, soft play centre or interactive farm on a day when it’s closed to the public or get my child all dressed in their Beavers uniform (like I […]

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Common Sense

Choking

Don’t mind me, kids.  Just ate a bit of garlic bread (my own fault for eating their tea as I’m making it) and started choking; was bent over double, coughing, tears streaming down my face, not able to speak and desperately glugging water to catch my breath and none of them even batted an eyelash.  […]

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Children

Being Good

I don’t think this not drinking during the week lark is all it’s cracked up to be – I’m not sleeping any better, I’m not super motivated and I don’t have loads more energy.  The only difference is that I’m just more miserable than I was before!

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Women

Underarms

Am I missing something?  Does anyone really care or have time to worry about whether their underarms are beautiful or not?  Would anyone bother to monitor their underarms for seven days to see if they got more beautiful?  Give me strength, that Dove deoderant advert bugs me every time it comes on.  I hardly have […]

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Women