Out of the Mouths of Babes…

I’ve just been thinking of the things children say to make us laugh.  Here are just the few of the gems that my two eldest children (Josh, six and Max, three) have come out with recently:

  • Max, randomly and on the way to school, suddenly informed me, ‘Mummy? I’ve got passion in my pants and I ain’t afraid to show it.’  ‘Good for you, sweetheart’, was the only answer I could think to give.  Hopefully he was quoting lyrics from LMFAO and isn’t just an early developer.
  • Josh, the king of the back handed compliment (he must get it from his dad), looked at me for a few seconds after I’d just coloured my hair, then told me, ‘Your hair looks nice pink, Mum.’  Not really what you want to hear when it’s meant to be cherry brown.
  • Max – ‘Mummy, which is your favourite Power Ranger?’  I put more thought into my answer that I care to admit, but finally settled for yellow because I didn’t want to be stereotypical and opt for pink.  Also, the pink one wears a skirt over the top of her trousers which is wrong on two counts – one, it’s a fashion no-no and two, it’s just not practical for kicking ass.
  • Josh – ‘I’m not going to have children when I’m older because they’re annoying, aren’t they, mum?’  I looked at him then at my other two, probably for longer than I should have, before answering carefully,  ‘Having you three is the best thing me and Daddy have ever done.’  He didn’t looked convinced.
  •  Max – ‘Mummy, kiss my tongue.’  I suppose it’s not as bad as some of the things he could have asked me to kiss, like the occasion he asked me to kiss the cat’s bum, but I still declined.
  • Josh – ‘I look even more like Daddy now I’ve had my hair cut.  Well, I will when my front teeth grow, anyway.’  Bless.  I felt like saying, ‘True, because at the moment you just look like Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber’, but I managed to restrain myself.
  • Max – ‘Mummy, Pepper’s licking my peanuts!’  There are two things wrong with this exclamation.  One, don’t do yourself down, son, most men don’t, and two, why are you telling me instead of stopping her?
  • Josh – ‘I don’t KNOW if Isabella’s my girlfriend.  She won’t tell me!’  Welcome to the world of dating women, my friend.  The confusion starts here.
  • Max – ‘Girls like pink and purple butterflies, don’t they, Mummy?  I hate pink and purple butterflies.’  Random.  Yep, pink and purple butterflies are all I can think about, personally.  I asked why he hates them and apparently it’s because he doesn’t like girls, they keep trying to kiss him.  Wonder if he’ll feel the same way when he’s eighteen?

Then Josh, after he’d coyly said he wasn’t good at anything so that I would contradict him and proceed to offer him a long list of all his accomplishments, paused and said, ‘You’re good at lots of things too.’  I should have known better and left it there really, but I made the fatal error of asking him what.  Cue another really long pause, then, ‘Well you’re good at…painting walls and…sewing.’

He really needs to stop asking his dad’s advice on how to pay compliments to women 🙂


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