I’ve been feeling a bit peckish so, like the girl in the Galaxy advert, I thought, ‘Mmm, I know what I feel like’ and went into the kitchen in search of food.
However, unlike the girl in the Galaxy ad, instead of padding gracefully on bare feet, I limped in (because I banged my knee on the corner of the table this morning and I’m now sporting a cracking great lump and a yellow bruise).
Instead of wearing a floaty skirt and silk blouse, I’m wearing a recently changed top with newly washed and deodorised armpits (due to a power walk this morning that left me feeling like I smelt a bit ‘ripe’), some jeans that have something sticky on the leg (which I was about to wet my finger and wipe off but I’m not sure what it is) and my slipper boots that are sporting a hole in the toe (courtesy of the dog) and red felt tip (courtesy of the toddler).
When I looked in the fridge, rather than finding some fresh green vegetables, soya milk and lean chicken (or whatever she has in there on the advert because let’s face it, she’s not been eating many Galaxy bars, has she?) along with the empty chocolate wrapper, I found the following:
- some shrivelled up cherry tomatoes
- a jar of out of date pesto
- some left over lamb from Sunday
- enough pots of Petit Filou to feed a small army
- a two year old jar of peanut butter (it doesn’t go off, does it?)
Like the girl in the advert, I mused about who might have eaten all the good food, but rather than murmuring, ‘Who’s eaten it this time’ with a dainty tilt of the head and bemused smile, I crossly thought, ‘Greedy sods!’ with an irritated burrowing of brow and a slight tic in my jaw.
Eventually, unlike the girl in the ad, I had to settle for a banana, because I don’t have a secret stash of chocolate and if I did my lot would sniff it out like dogs.
Then, if by some miracle they didn’t find it, I’d have to use the only window I have to eat it – sitting hunched on the loo at 7.30 in the morning whilst the kids are downstairs with my husband eating their breakfast. Even then I’d probably have to run the taps so they couldn’t hear the crackle of the wrapper 🙂