Dress Rehearsal

They always bring out surveys at this time of year about how many couples and families will argue on Christmas day.  Well I’m hoping that, like in the theatre or on television, if you have a bad dress rehearsal, it will be ‘alright on the night’, so to speak.

Since our eldest got home from school, our three year old has smacked him around the head with a toy and our seven year old has retaliated by smacking his bum, so they’ve both cried, had to apologise to the other and reluctantly hugged it out.

Our toddler is screaming blue murder if anyone so much as LOOKS at him in the wrong way and he’s also screaming when anyone else starts playing with a toy (whether he had it first or not)….and when he can’t reach his drink…and just for the hell of it.  Basically he’s screaming…A LOT.  This is being alternated with the ‘catch all’ exclamation, ‘Meh!’ which can be ever so slightly irritating after the first couple of hundred times.

I’ve been cursing under my breath because I’m trying to get tea ready and our toddler wants picking up every thirty seconds because he doesn’t have my undivided attention and all three of them are strategically placing toys right behind my feet so that when I step back I’ll slip and no doubt break my neck.  It’s happening so often that I think they’ve secretly got wagers on who will succeed first.

The toddler is messing with: the washing machine, the tumble dryer, my boots (whilst I’m wearing them), the Christmas cards, the puppy, the television, the cupboards, the fridge, the freezer, the back door, the cat, any items of stationery he can get his hands on and he’s also stolen an illegal chocolate from the advent calendar.  Then each time he gets told off he pretends to be asleep (complete with fake snoring)….or he studies his fingers intently…or he finds a bit of wall endlessly fascinating.

Now the youngest two are hiding under the table, the toddler keeps turning off my laptop at the switch whilst I’m trying to charge it up and saying, ‘alright, ma mate!’ as a diversionary tactic so he won’t get shouted at again.  He’s also trying to kiss me with fajita sauce smeared around his mouth and snot on his nose and cheeks and our three year old is doing a dance in Moshi Monsters undies and not much else, asking me if he ‘looks cool’ whilst he busts his moves…

…and now the random running up and down has begun.

But I’m sure that when we go and get our Christmas tree shortly (as the one I’ve ordered online appears to be a scam) we’ll all suddenly break into Christmas carols, work as a united team and be a picture of domestic bliss as we decorate the tree together.  Here’s hoping. 🙂




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