SLEEP

S.L.E.E.P. – Sumptuous Luxury Eluding Every Parent C.H.I.L.D.R.E.N. – Condom-free Hormonal Instinct, Lust (and) Drunkenness Resulting (in) Energy-sapping Nippers S.A.N.I.T.Y. – Something Akin (to) Normality In Time (pre-) Youngsters T.I.R.E.D.N.E.S.S. – Total Inertia Rendering Every Deed Near-impossible Except (the) Supping (of) Sauvignon Blanc T.O.I.L.E.T. – Totally Open (to) Invasion, Loitering, Ejection (and) Tampon-related-enquiries PA.R.E.N.T.S.’ B.E.D – […]

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Children

Nine Years

Today is my husband and I’s ninth wedding anniversary.  We forgot.  Or rather, I remembered last night and he’d forgotten altogether.  It’s therefore a huge…non-event, unlike our wedding almost a decade ago.  This is us then… …and this is us now (well, late 2011 but it was the most recent one of the two of […]

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Humour

Silver Haired Fox

It was in 1985 when kids’ TV improved, And into BBc’s Broom Cupboard my childhood crush moved. With twinkling brown eyes and a shock of dark hair, He answered the prayers of bored housewives everywhere. Not only eye candy over which women could drool, But entertainment for kids to fill the time after school. It didn’t phase Schofe […]

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Poetry

The Dukes of Hazzard

I use my blog to mainly talk about my children, my husband and family life but I’ve been shamed into having a rethink. Yesterday I posted a picture of me looking horribly red-faced and sweaty following a run that nearly killed me.  A few friends commented on my appearance but one spotted our cat in the background of […]

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Children

A Family That Loves Me

I’ve sent my son to school in a damp (wet) school t-shirt this morning because I forgot to put a ‘whites’ wash on which resulted in me standing with bated breath for the cycle to finish at 8.40am this morning…but that’s OK because I have my health, a home and family that loves me. I noticed as […]

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Children Humour

I Have a Problem with Mickey Mouse

I have a problem with Mickey Mouse.  I suppose it was inevitable.  When you spend so much time with a person (or animated mouse) they’re bound to get on your nerves. I know I shouldn’t make a snap judgement of him because I’ve never met him in real life (and nor am I likely to; he’s […]

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Common Sense Humour

The Hell of School Holidays

A rewrite of Hotel California by The Eagles, about my feelings towards the impending summer holidays: In the deserted school yard with tumble weed passing by, The shadow of my impending doom makes me want to cry. Up ahead in the distance, I see my freedom take flight, My head pounds and my hands tremble, It’s […]

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Children Humour Songs

Women Don’t Nag

I want to point out, once and for all, that women do not ‘nag’. The dictionary definition of ‘nag’ is to ‘annoy or irritate (a person) with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging’.  Therefore men MISTAKENLY think that women nag because some men have… How shall I put it? …a tendency to ‘procrastinate’ (‘defer action’)…sometimes indefinitely…and then women have to […]

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Humour Men Women

The Smurfs Ruined My Life

(or ‘Things that Freak Me Out’ – Part Two) I want to tell a tale of woe that really isn’t funny. It involves The Smurfs, a boy, a mum and lots and lots of money. To give a bit of background, we’d been on our hols to France Borrowing a roof box for the car; our accountant’s, […]

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Children Film/TV Humour

Daredevil

My toddler is a daredevil, a feisty little chap. Every day he hurtles round and suffers some mishap. Yesterday he thought it fun, in just his socks to slide, On a slippy floor with a table near with which he could collide. Whilst waiting at the hospital to get his head checked out, He fell off […]

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Children Humour Poetry