The Day of the Triffids

We’re recreating our very own version of ‘The Day of the Triffids’ in our house, but with clothes instead of plants (only because no plants live long enough in our house to grow human sized, sprout legs, whip us with their venomous tendrils and feed on our corpses, because we forget to feed and water them.  It’s as […]

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Washing

Mission Impossible

Cue Mission Impossible music: dun, dun, dun-dun-dun-dun dun, dun, dun, dun, dun-dun-dun, dun.  Imagine a fuse burning rapidly, fizzing and spitting sparks as it races towards a bomb.  Think commando rolls and guns firing…OK, not the last bit, that’s just an exaggeration, but the rest is how it feels getting our six year old ready for school. […]

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Children

Vampires

I’ve decided that our three year old makes me feel like we’re in ‘Van Helden’ (Kate Beckinsale eat your heart out) because, like the vampires in that film, he seems completely normal by day; he’s attractive, charming and well mannered and socialises successfully with other people. He eats what everyone else eats, laughs, plays and is affectionate and funny.  Daylight […]

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Children

Life Imitating Art

Some days I feel like an actor with my children auditioning me for different parts in films.  Today, for instance, I’ve felt like I’ve been in an old Western film.  This afternoon my sixteen month old stood by the television, finger poised to turn the TV off for the ninety eigth time in the last hour.  I’d […]

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Cleaning

Women, Translated

“I’m fine.”  This translated means, “I’m obviously not fine, I’m very upset.  It might be at you, it might not, but I’m not going to tell you so you’re going to have to guess.  If you don’t try to find out what’s wrong then I’ll think you’re insensitive.  If you keep asking me, I’ll get […]

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Humour Men Women

Men, Translated

  “I’ll do it tomorrow” translated means, “If I manage to fob you off today, maybe you’ll have forgotten about it by tomorrow.” “I’ll drive.”  Yes, I’m sure you will on the way there, but probably not on the way back. “I’m leaving it there because I haven’t finished with it yet”, means, “I haven’t […]

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Humour Men

Nostalgia

I feel sorry for kids these days who won’t experience proper cartoons with decent animation like ‘Thundercats’, ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ and ‘Dangermouse’; ‘Bagpuss’ deserves its own special mention (‘We will fix it, we will fix it’). I miss the long hot summers (we did used to have them), playing on my bike that my Grandad […]

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Friends Thoughts

The Ultimate Test

I’m not drinking tonight, even though my three year old has weed on my friend’s son’s bedroom floor which is situated next to their bathroom; I’m not drinking tonight even though he’s walked home like John Wayne in wet trousers; I’m not drinking tonight even though my dog has done two wees on the floor and my eldest has […]

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Children

My Friends – The Rap

My friends: Make me laugh ’til I wee, Yap incessantlee, Find time for me. Ring me when I’m down, Insist that I don’t frown, Enjoy clownin’ aroun(d). Nice people, not frog(s), Dance and drink grog and… Support my online blog. Thanks everyone for your ongoing support.  Don’t think rhyming is my forte so this will […]

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Blogging Friends

Mystery Shopper

I did a full shop last Wednesday evening and yet somehow we’ve still had to cobble together breakfast for the kids this morning – we’ve run out of milk and had three slices of bread left to toast so we cut it into quarters to make it look more and now they’re sharing the last of […]

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Shopping