Royal Variety Performance

It’s a depressing thought that should I ever have the opportunity to take part in the Royal Variety Performance, say Her Majesty phoned me up (it could happen) and asked me personally to be on next year’s show, I may have to turn her down in the absence of any real talent. In the words […]

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Children Women

The Cusp

Quick, I don’t have much time.  I can’t let him see me, or he might guess what I’m doing and it’ll ruin EVERYTHING.  I’m so afraid but I need to tell someone about it so that when it ends I’ll know it wasn’t just a dream. You know how I’m always blogging about the times […]

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Children

Man Flu

Give…me…strength.  Our eldest son has learnt the art of ‘man flu’…and he’s only seven. Yesterday he was complaining of earache, which I know is a horrible, horrible thing and can be very painful, but, as the evening progressed, by far the most painful thing was listening to Josh wailing like a cat being slowly strangled…FOR […]

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Children

The X-Factor

Our dreams have been shattered; our eldest son is never going to win the X-Factor.  Why?  Because he was the only one out of the school choir that wasn’t invited to sing at the school concert next week. Harsh?  Yes, I agree…but I can also see his music teacher’s point.  He came home from school […]

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Children Humour

Morning Glory

I’m beginning to think our seven year old son exists in some sort of parallel universe when we’re getting ready in a morning; he must hear entirely different words coming out of the mouths of my husband and I and in his little world he must be surrounded by peace and tranquillity instead of utter chaos […]

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Children

Terrible Twos

The terrible twos have started, What does the future hold? We wait nervously with baited breath, For the chaos to unfold.   Our cherubic, delightful toddler, Always with a toothy smile on his face, Will doubtless turn into a monster, Just sit back and watch this space.   He’ll want everything just his own way, And […]

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Children Humour Poetry

Contactless Crimbo

I finally bit the bullet on Tuesday and braved another dimension; I entered a toy shop to do the Christmas shopping. I jumped nervously as dinosaurs with flashing red eyes and necks that turned at unnatural angles ‘ROARRR!’ed at me from the shelves; I backed away from dolls that informed me they’d done a wee wee (good for them.  I wasn’t about […]

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Shopping

Purple Rain

It’s alright for all these artists to sing about how romantic rain is.  They don’t have to do the bloody school run in it, do they? Prince: ‘I never meant to cause you any sorrow, I never meant to cause you any pain. I only wanted one time to see you laughing, I only wanted […]

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Children Humour Songs

Freaky Friday

I’ve just had a very enlightening hour or so with my sons where I’ve made all sorts of ‘interesting’ discoveries about their ambitions for the future (and their general states of mind). I’ve learnt (on our after school walk) that in a week, our seven year old has changed his mind about his vocation and […]

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Children

Bah, Humbug

I’ve been shopping today for outfits that the boys can wear for Children in Need tomorrow.  Have I got into the spirit of things, raising money for charity and having ‘fun’ whilst doing it, I hear you ask?  No, I bloody well have not. Can you get spotty or Children in Need sponsored stuff for […]

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Children