Distressed Housewife Rap
Yesterday I was runnin’ round, doin’ what needed doin’, When school phoned me up to say, ‘Girl, your son’s head needs gluin’!’ Took him to the hospital to get it stuck and stop the leak, The nurse already knew us and said, ‘We’ll see you again next week.’ See, eldest son is clumsy and can fall over fresh […]
Fair To Middling
Every parent I know worries about spending enough quality time with their children, either because of work commitments or because they have more than one child and, understandably, want to give each the same amount of attention. I’m no exception. I wasn’t consciously thinking about this on Sunday but, on a whim, I asked our middle son […]
Queen Turdas
Just to give you a head’s up – I’m an award-winning, top class, grade A knobhead. I know this won’t come as any surprise to those of you reading this who know me but today I’m surpassing even myself. I feel like Queen Turdas, who, as the arch nemesis of King Midas, is managing to successfully turn everything I touch […]
Toddler Translated
I took the dog for a walk on Saturday. On my own. Without children. I could hear birds tweeting in the trees, the wind rustling the leaves on the path and water trickling in the stream. Who knew there were noises other than screaming, shouting, loud laughter and stamping feet? I savoured it and dragged my feet a […]
Reassure-A-Mum
REASSURE-A-MUM MUMS – DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR WORK/LIFE BALANCE IS ALL WRONG? FEEL STRESSED THAT YOU CAN NEVER GET EVERYTHING DONE? DO YOU NEED SOME REASSURANCE THAT YOU’RE DOING A GOOD JOB? THEN WHAT YOU NEED IS REASSURE-A-MUM; IT’S FAST, EFFECTIVE, AND ABOVE ALL, FREE! REASSURE-A-MUM IS A NIFTY NEW APP. THAT WILL GIVE YOU A MORE […]
Don’t Quote Me…
I wanted to express all the things I feel about having children, but found other people could put it into words much more eloquently and humorously than I ever could: ‘Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.’ Harold S. Hulbert. ‘Parents are not interested in justice, they are interested in quiet.’ […]
Top Ten
For some reason, at 4.20am this morning, I lay awake thinking of what my top ten songs would be (because obviously I didn’t have anything better to be doing at that time, like sleeping, for instance). I’m sure you’ve done the same and it’s a tough choice, so I’m not saying this list is absolute, […]
Compromise
Christmas and New Year were great but I have to say it’s a relief today to stop the over-indulgence and get everyone back into a routine. I liked getting them all to bed early last night, sending our eldest back to school with a healthy(ish) packed lunch and not feeling pressured into letting them have chocolate for breakfast. […]
Zach Attack
(Cue music and a deep, dramatic male voice-over): It’s just an ordinary day in an ordinary town. A day like any other…that is, until a toddler awakes from his peaceful slumber. He snuggles, he looks angelic, like butter wouldn’t melt in his cupid’s bow mouth, like mischief couldn’t possibly sparkle in his large, dewy, grey-blue eyes. The adults around him are […]
Parental Hell
Everyone’s had that horrible, gut-wrenching moment when you think your child has gone missing. You lose sight of them just for a moment and, suddenly, they’re nowhere to be found. It might be in the supermarket, at the airport or they may have decided to run out of a toddler group to go and visit […]