When I couldn’t find my keys in my bag yesterday, I decided it was time for a clear out. What I was hoping to find was this:
What I found instead was this:
- An empty Haribo wrapper. Because mums love to carry empty wrappers from sweets that they didn’t consume.
- Chewing gum paper and a lone piece of squashed chewing gum, stuck to the lining. Because my youngest son always open the full packet and then complains when they all fall out.
- Seven poo bags. For the dogs, not the children. Not usually, anyway.
- Snot encrusted tissues. Some mine, some my children’s, some both – depending on whether I had any clean ones left at the time.
- Spare change – some of it in Euros which I’ve been meaning to take out since last August and which I’m always accidentally trying to spend in shops or push into trolleys that require a pound coin.
- Expired Tesco vouchers – by three days, God damn it!
- A receipt for a shop at Tesco, that wasn’t discounted because I couldn’t use the bastard vouchers.
- Dried up flowers. I’m being kind – they’re mainly weeds, which Z keeps giving me as ‘presents’ on our walks.
- Snail shells – hopefully empty and again, courtesy of Z.
- Lego – obviously, being the mother of three boys. I have no doubt that when the time comes, there will be miscellaneous Lego in my coffin.
- Hair bobbles and clips – in case of hair disasters caused by humidity and or rain.
- False eyelash glue. Because this is obviously the bag of a woman who cares about her appearance.
- A diary – that I always intend to use and then don’t.
- Feathers – lots and lots of feathers. There’s a naked bird somewhere in the vicinity.
- A lip balm with hairs in it. Hopefully mine, possibly the dogs’.
- One decent lipstick, surprisingly intact – although I only got it two days ago, so there’s time yet.
Please tell me other people have mum bags like this?