Me Time

I cast my mind back to when ‘me time’ included

Booking into a salon where hairy bits were denuded.

Now I balance with one leg on the side of the bath,

And attack vaginal fuzz whilst my kids point and laugh.

It was a time of self-indulgence, of browsing round shops,

With relaxed eating and drinking punctuating the stops.

Now it’s a time to buy tampons and bread and dog food,

And some crumpets if I’m in an extravagant mood.

I used to meander round stores, try on clothes at my leisure,

Sift through sales racks galore to find some hidden treasure.

Now with kids in my wake, I don’t even remove socks,

And keep my jeans round my knees whilst I’m pulling on frocks.

I vaguely recall times of sitting in a hairdresser’s chair,

Choosing colours and styles that would best suit my hair.

Now I ‘DIY’ in the shower whilst my toddler pokes my boobs,

And urinates on my feet whilst he’s pulling my pubes.

Once upon a time a lie-in meant getting up at eleven…

Now I lay trying to doze after being woken at seven;

Listening to chaos, arguments and the TV blaring,

The shouting and screaming and cries of ‘not sharing’.

‘Me time’ was simple pleasures like savouring a meal,

Without offspring hovering around, spying morsels to steal.

I used to choose from a menu what I actually wanted to taste,

Not just selecting whatever can easiest be eaten in haste.

We went out of an evening and drank until dawn,

Now that’s the time I’m head-butted awake with a groan.

We used to have sex at our leisure without any discretion,

Now in tactics of stealth we’d teach SAS teams a lesson.

I can’t even remember the last time I pooed on my own,

Without someone telling tales or having a moan,

Or needing a wee desperately and performing a dance,

With no qualms of ejecting me without backward glance.

At one time I had a bath with candles and bubbles,

Now my kids sit and thrutch whilst regaling their troubles.

It goes without saying that I wouldn’t change a thing,

Nothing compares to the joy and laughter kids bring.

But just occasionally I can’t help but dream and reminisce,

How real ‘me time’ felt and how it was absolute bliss 🙂