Laws are being broken in this house as I speak; rules and regulations are being carelessly flouted and my basic human rights are not being satisfactorily met.Â I demand that action be taken!
Firstly, Environmental Health Law states that noise in the workplace ‘should not exceed 85 decibels’.Â Pah!Â Our television is louder than that and IÂ HAVE NOTÂ been provided with suitable ear protection to drown out the high-pitched screaming of my hyperactive children.
Apparently this doesn’t apply to the music and entertainment sectors; does our house come under either of those categories, I wonder?Â None of us can sing but that small detail doesn’t stop anyone.Â And I do sometimes feel like Coco the Clown as I try inventive new ways to keep my little darlings entertained 24/7 if that counts?
The regulations also state that this doesn’t apply to non-work activities (well I’m not bloody doingÂ this for kicks, am I?) or when it’s a ‘informedÂ choice to go to noisy places’. (Since when is having children a ‘informed choice’?Â If we knew what they were really like beforehand we’d have all taken a vow of celibacy a long time ago).
Environmental Health are also responsible for ‘protecting the public against the threat of disease’; so where are they when I’m having to fight off snotty kisses or cleaning skid marks off my jeans?
Then, according to Employment Law, workers areÂ officially entitled to a ‘uninterruptedÂ 20 minute break’ ifÂ they work more than six hours.Â Â Can anybody else hearÂ a strange ‘oinking’ from overhead?Â Anyone else just see a flash of winged bacon?
Also (and you’re going to laugh at this; I did), there should beÂ ’11 hours rest between working days’.Â I know!Â I’d be holding my stomach with laughter if I wasn’t curled up in the foetal position…
It gets better.Â Did you know that a worker should also get ’24 UNINTERRUPTED hours without work each week’Â or that the maximum weekly working hours are 48 hours a week?Â Anybody else guffawing through their tears?
The only thing I’m not pushing forÂ is a permanent contract.Â Please, God,Â don’t let this be a permanent contract.Â They have to leave homeÂ some time, right? 🙂Tags: children, Environmental Health, human rights, humour